World Blog by humble servant.Question and Answers .What is a Nikah ceremony; do Muslims have to marry only in its traditionally practiced format?

What is a Nikah ceremony; do Muslims have to marry only in its traditionally practiced format?

Question: Hello, I am from a Christian background and have started practicing true Islam; thank you for presenting the truth on your site. In a few months, God willing, I will be marrying my long-time friend who has also realized the need to worship God alone and follow the Quran alone for religious guidance. Being of traditional Muslim background, his family is expecting us to have a traditional Nikah wedding ceremony, performed by the imam of the local mosque. What does this involve and is there any ‘conversion’ process I am supposed to go through? My family may also desire to see us do some Christian ceremonies. We would like to check what the Quran says about marriage for submitters (true Muslims) and what can we do to bring about respect and comfort to both sides?

Answer: Peace be upon you. To begin with, congratulations for recognizing the truth and wishing to do what is right as per God’s laws. Most humans blindly follow what they were programmed to believe since birth, or follow a convenient mix of whatever suits their idea of being safe enough to qualify them as Muslim, Christian, etc. As a result of this, you may get several suggestions of what you should do for your wedding as per “Muslim laws” (known as the Shariah), even though the people who advise you are most likely to have a poor idea of what the Quran actually says about anything. For example, how can you have other laws (like the Shariah/Hadith), when all the laws for everything about life are already fully detailed in the Quran!

Quran: Fully Detailed*

[6:114] Shall I seek other than GOD as a source of law, when He has revealed to you this book fully detailed?* Those who received the scripture recognize that it has been revealed from your Lord, truthfully. You shall not harbor any doubt.

[6:115] The word of your Lord is complete,* in truth and justice. Nothing shall abrogate His words. He is the Hearer, the Omniscient.

[6:116] If you obey the majority of people on earth, they will divert you from the path of GOD. They follow only conjecture; they only guess.

Footnote: *6:113-115 Upholding any source beside the Quran reflects disbelief in the Quran (Appendix 18).

 

Marriage in Islam

Marriage is a Divine Institution which God has addressed beautifully in the Quran. The three essential conditions for marriage are:

(a) The person is not an idolater/idolatress (2:221).

This does not apply to you both any longer, now that you have taken the decision to worship God alone. Idolatry is the only unforgiveable offence if maintained till death, so an idolatrous partner may never advocate the worship of God alone in the home or among the children (24:36). As you may have realized, traditional Muslims are the first to brand everyone as idolaters without realizing that they are the biggest hypocrites and idolaters themselves.

(b) Mutual Attraction and consent (4:24).

The couple should know each other and are old/mature enough to give their own consent (not be forced) to the marriage. By God’s grace you already know each other well.

(c) Dowry, paid by the man beforehand (4:24, 33:50, 60:10).  

There are no preset rules for the value or exchange medium for the dowry, which can be arrived at mutually.

 

A marriage in Islam is essentially a solemn pledge or ‘contract’ of commitment between a man and woman to love, support and be faithful to each to each other as man and wife for the rest of their lives. When a couple pledges their commitment to each other before God, they are considered married as per Quran - God is the witness. This pledge or contract is essentially the “Nikah” which now also grants the couple God’s permission to be sexually intimate with each other. While no specific ceremony (or ritual) is required beyond this, a marriage is generally ‘solemnized’ in the presence of close friends and relatives. This ‘solemnization ceremony’ can be performed by another submitter who asks God to bless the marriage, shares a few words of advice and offers good wishes on behalf of everyone present. 

Before or after the marriage described above, it is absolutely recommended to have a civil/registered wedding as per the law of the land. Apart from all of God's laws that submitters must follow, they have to also be law abiding citizens and do whatever is legally required by their country of citizenship/residence, so do check about this beforehand. A state registered marriage is recognized all over the world and has several advantages in terms of citizenship, passport documentation, progeny identity, inheritance claims etc. These are neutral state laws and do not have any religious bearing that you need to worry about.

About the traditional Nikah performed by a Muslim cleric (imam), we do appreciate that the family may expect it. This situation is invariably faced by submitters around the world and sometimes becomes a topic of background discussion or remarks at submitter weddings. More often than not, these come from those who are least in knowledge or true practice of the religion. So please do not be alarmed or disheartened. Instead, proceed with whatever you need to do to please God Alone, and then educate the people in advance or whenever possible. Speak to them about your beliefs following God’s law to use wisdom and the nicest possible response (41:34, 16:125), as God does not want us to destroy respectful and amicable relations because of religion (4:36).

In Islam, no one has the “religious authority” to permit two people to be married. That permission is granted by God, the ultimate witness and knower of the couple’s innermost intentions. Several people are not aware that in Islam there is actually no clergy system where matters of your soul/religion need to be authorized or mentored by a religious cleric. This is because Islam is based on an individual’s direct relationship and accountability with God where no one can decide or take responsibility for another’s soul. Additionally, the Imam or pastor from the local mosque/church will most likely be a traditional Muslim or Christian cleric which means that the religious content that he will share at the wedding will not be entirely devoted to God alone.

Therefore, in real terms, an imam who performs weddings is really only an appointed officiator of a marriage among Muslim communities. Generally most countries will accept the marriages of religious communities performed by their own clerics, though the couple may still have to comply with the civil marriage formalities anyway for the official record. An unfortunate situation of marriages performed under religious laws (like the illegal Shariah laws), is that marriage disputes and inheritance claims are applied under them, which some people may misuse to stay out of the country’s neutral laws of marriage.

Under traditional Nikah expectations, women of other religious backgrounds are required to change their names to a ‘Muslim name’ and recite the Shahadah to be considered as “converted to Islam.” This does not make sense as there is no such thing as a Muslim name because what brings God’s blessings upon your life/marriage is your worship of Him alone and your righteous actions, not your name. Therefore, now that you are submitters governed by the laws of the Quran, you do not have to have a traditional Nikah or Church wedding.

By the way, a popular ritual in traditional Nikah ceremonies is that the couple must consent to the marriage by saying “I accept” three times in a particular language in the presence of witnesses. This “three times yes” is actually a cultural tradition, not a religious rule. So don’t let anyone guilt you into believing that your marriage is not solemnized if you don’t do this specifically. Actually there is no harm in doing any such cultural ritual if you wish to, as long as you know that it is not a religious marriage rite that must be performed compulsorily.

Unfortunately, people confuse cultural ceremonies with religious law. There is no restriction on celebrating a wedding in any style of cultural format as long as you don’t attribute them to religious laws. Both sides may wish to see something that represents their religious/cultural background. For example, a woman can dress up like a Muslim or Christian bride, her father can give her away, dances and entertainment can be from different cultures, etc. All these are cultural traditions, not religious requirements. Actually it can be quite nice if the ceremonies are a mix of both cultures. A marriage is a very special event and you want everyone on both sides to cherish this momentous occasion. Of course, during the festivities, the religious sentiments of both sides can be respected. For example, liquor and pork is not served to respect the Muslim side, and so on. 

Lastly, we encourage you not to worry about how things will turn out. Just trust in God and ask Him to make everything alright (22:15). You never know how God works it out. God may fix it that the families of both sides may actually look at the big picture and be content with an in between scenario. You do the cultural stuff they really want to see while they respect your religious requirements. God always provides amazing solutions for submitters from whence then never expect.

 

With best wishes to you both and may God bless you with great joys and happiness together from now to forever.

Marriage: A Divine Institution

[30:20] Among His proofs is that He created you from dust, then you became reproducing humans.

[30:21] Among His proofs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, in order to have tranquility and contentment with each other, and He placed in your hearts love and care towards your spouses. In this, there are sufficient proofs for people who think.